Is It Really Anger - or Something Else?
As a society, we often view anger as a negative emotion. But the truth is, anger can be a valuable tool for addressing issues and standing up for ourselves. The key is learning how to manage it effectively.
First of all, try to identify the root cause of your anger. Is it related to a particular situation or interaction? Or could deeper emotions be at play, such as vulnerability or abandonment? Once you better understand where your anger is coming from, you can start healthily working through those underlying emotions.
Next, consider how you can express your anger constructively rather than letting it spiral out of control. This may involve assertive communication with the person or situation that triggered your anger, finding a physical release through exercise or other activities, or seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend. The physical release of your anger through exercise helps because, while you may still feel angry even after exercising, your potential for inappropriately acting on your anger will be significantly reduced. Talking to friends about your feelings is essential because they can offer additional perspectives and suggestions you may not have considered.
Here are three more ways to manage your anger:
Take deep breaths and count to 10 before responding
Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal
Practice assertive communication, expressing your anger without attacking the other person.
Deep breathing and counting to 10 can help you pause and collect your thoughts before responding in anger. Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal can also be a helpful release and provide insight into the root cause of your anger. And practicing assertive communication allows you to express anger without attacking or blaming the other person, potentially leading to a more productive conversation.
The important thing is finding what works for you and actively managing your anger in healthy ways. Don't let anger control you – learn what's driving it instead so you can take the reigns. Remember, anger is not bad or wrong; how we understand and manage it makes all the difference.
Now let's have a more challenging conversation.
If the anger that you're feeling isn't anger, but something more difficult to talk about, it's probably time to have the tougher conversation. Yeah, that one: the one that involves you identifying the root cause of your anger and being more authentic and vulnerable when articulating how you feel.
If you're not sure how you feel, take a few seconds and ask yourself, "what's really going on?" When you feel vulnerable, you may feel as though you are exposed and at risk. You may feel like you can't protect yourself, and this can be a scary feeling, and because of this - it's a lot easier to be angry, right? - Instead of authentically talking about how you feel.
There are a few things you can look for to help identify feelings of vulnerability.
One sign is that you may feel like you're not good enough. You may doubt your abilities and question whether you're up for the challenge. You may also feel like people are out to get you or that they will find out your secrets. When you're feeling vulnerable, it's very common to feel insecure and alone.
If you're noticing these signs in yourself, take some time to reflect on why you're feeling this way. What is causing these feelings of insecurity? Once you have a better understanding of what's driving your vulnerability, you can start to work on addressing those underlying issues.
You can also practice self-compassion and acceptance. When we're hard on ourselves, it only exacerbates feelings of vulnerability. But we can feel more secure when we accept ourselves for who we are, even our flaws. And finally, it's important to build healthy relationships with others. When we have strong relationships with supportive people, it helps us feel more secure and less vulnerable.
Abandonment: That Other Yucky Feeling
Abandonment is an incredibly difficult feeling to manage (which is why it's sometimes easier to just be angry). If you're feeling alone and neglected, it can be tough to keep your spirits high. It's important to remember that you may not be as alone as you feel, and there are people who care about you and want to help. Reach out to those people, and let them know how you're feeling. Talking about it will help ease your pain and be much better than expressing anger that isn't really the root cause of how you feel.
It's essential to find your tribe - the people you feel most comfortable with because you enjoy being in each others' presence.
Additionally, try to find things that make you happy and bring you joy. This can be anything from reading your favorite book to walking in nature. Whatever it is, make sure to do it regularly. Finally, be patient with yourself. Healing takes time, and it's OK if you don't feel better overnight. Just keep moving forward, and eventually, you'll get there.
